Today, I feel like crap.
My Dad is like most in the sense that he likes the house to clean (which is fair enough). My sister is like most 20-something-year-olds who hate cleaning her room. She cleans the house all of the time, just not her own room. She is also often in lots of pain from an old injury, yet she continues to clean the house and help everyone else out all the time. Yet, my Dad hates that she doesn’t do her room and would prefer her to clean her room over the house.
He takes the room cleaning as a sign of respect. I think a part of it was that when she was younger she ruined her carpet, got makeup everywhere etc. I see his point but she doesn’t because it’s her room. Please don’t take this as either of them are bad people. They just have different priorities. But, both are amazing people
How does this involve me? My sister went out, but my Dad feels hurt. This means he feels like crap and that inadvertently makes the whole house fill with thick tension. I usually try to avoid these things, but often people rant to me about it. Now, I really don’t mind being ranted to, I actually feel a sense of purpose from it. The issue occurs when the rants and tension last days.
I don’t deal well with long lasting tension, it really stresses me out. I used to deal with it via self-harm so every time heavy tension occurs I automatically want to self-harm. I have slipped a few times after I stopped, but it’s been a couple of years now. My outlet is now writing, and sometimes not allowing the ranting.
Here’s the thing: No matter who you are, no matter what you do, you need to look after yourself. You need to protect yourself; not hurt yourself. If that’s not letting people rant or writing or some other outlet, do it – despite what you think, you don’t need to harm yourself, I promise. YOU ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT in your life. If you don’t believe that, let me believe it for you, do it for me. I promise, stay strong, breathe, you will get through this. I know you will.
That may seem dramatic considering my day is really not that bad in comparison to others. At the same time, it is exactly like someone’s worst day. See, I don’t believe you can truly compare. In my opinion, I’ve had a million worse days. Yet just because I or someone else may have had a worse time, that doesn’t change my feelings. Emotions are irrational, allow yourself to feel them; don’t compare, just allow and believe.
YOU ARE A WARRIOR AND YOU WILL SURVIVE
I love you. xo
P.S. Do you guys think I should make a Twitter?